


Resisting a Roast

by rebelmeg



Series: Christmas Card Ficlets [13]
Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Christmas, Christmas Dinner, Christmas Fluff, Fluff and Humor, Food, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-22
Updated: 2018-12-22
Packaged: 2019-09-24 22:05:30
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 570
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17108963
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rebelmeg/pseuds/rebelmeg
Summary: Turns out, a buttered turkey can be a pretty slippery little sucker.





	Resisting a Roast

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Politzania](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Politzania/gifts).



> This ficlet was written for the delightful [Politzania](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Politzania)! She chose the prompt “I just heard a ten pound turkey hit the ground and also very strong words. Do you need help?” with Bucky and Tony, with a specific request for banter, which I hope I fulfilled!

Bucky was working his way through his seventh candy cane and was about halfway through reading “A Christmas Carol” when he heard a truly alarming thud coming from the direction of the communal kitchen. It was followed by a string of extremely festive and creative variations on a selection of four-letter words.

That was too interesting to pass up.

Setting aside his book (but keeping his candy cane in his mouth), Bucky went to investigate and found Tony in the kitchen, a liberally buttered turkey at his feet.

He had to bite back a grin. “I just heard a ten pound turkey hit the ground and also very strong words. Do you need help?”

Tony was scowling at said turkey, hands on his aproned hips. “Jarvis always made it look so easy, but I would really like to know exactly how I’m supposed to get a buttered turkey from the counter and into the roasting pan without feeling like I’m trying to wrangle a greased pig.”

Bucky leaned over to look at the turkey, and had to smile. There was a truly insane amount of herbed butter rubbed on the bird, and he could see the marks where Tony’s hands had obviously tried to clamp on to keep it from falling. “Maybe butter it once it’s already in the pan?”

Tony opened his mouth… then shut it. “Well… damn.”

With a chuckle, Bucky went around to crouch down by the slippery turkey, shifting his candy cane to the other side of his mouth. “C’mon, I’ll help you. Four hands should do it.”

Turned out, four hands weren’t that much more effective than two. Bucky and Tony chased that turkey all over the floor, lifting and dropping it five or six more times before Tony gave the thing a healthy kick and sent it skidding into the hall.

“That’s it! That bird is fired, pizza for dinner!”

Bucky was red-faced from both chasing the turkey around the kitchen and from laughing every time Tony swore creatively when it hit the ground again. He sat down and leaned against the fridge, not even daring to try and leave the room when most of the floor was now as liberally buttered as the bird.

“Oh man, you better hope someone is willing to make you a pizza on Christmas day.” He rubbed at his eyes with the back of his wrist, trying to avoid smearing butter on his face.

“I will buy a franchise if I have to.” Tony snarled. “A whole pizza chain. But I will be damned if I try to pick up that turkey one more time.”

Still sniggering, Bucky let his head rest against the fridge. “Nah, let it be. It has suffered enough. We’ll order pizza.”

“What the hell are you guys doing in here?”

There was no chance to warn Clint before he was tripping over the turkey in the hall and falling flat on his face, bird ricocheting back into the kitchen. It came skidding to a rest by Bucky’s thigh as Clint swore almost creatively as Tony, and Bucky patted the turkey sympathetically.

“I almost feel bad for you. No turkey should have to suffer this much abuse. It’s not your fault the genius over there can’t cook.”

Tony made an offended sound, and a second later, a glob of butter splatted all over the left side of Bucky’s face.

Yeah. He probably deserved that.


End file.
